tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121027872024-03-07T21:19:06.863-06:00Jessica Kaylor's Journey with CancerJessica was orignally diagnosed with breast cancer in March of 2005.
She is married to Jake and is the thirty-three year old mother of three children Katelyn (14), Jadyn (7), and Bryn (5).
Use this web page to keep up to date with the Kaylor Clan and to have specifics when you pray.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.comBlogger618125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-16063556070345949632014-06-16T21:06:00.000-05:002014-06-16T21:06:53.573-05:00A Season for Everything It's been three and half years since my last post and I have stopped thinking that things will get back to "normal." Most of the time actually things are normal. It's those days that are not that remind me that cancer is forever despite having days of "remission." Sometimes those are days like birthdays and holidays that suddenly days of funk for me when I don't want to see anyone and just want to lie around in my pajamas. The worst loss I think though has been Jessica's friends and family. I do appreciate the honesty of people when they outright give the reasons why they can't be friends anymore. Everyone, not just me, went through/ are going through the stages of grief for Jessica, but we also are going through the stages of grief of the loss of the life we will never have without her. Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-64605178377583801412010-10-23T12:32:00.002-05:002010-10-23T12:43:11.614-05:00Last PostI've felt for awhile now that I should write a last post. This blog has meant a lot to me as it has connected me with a global community in a way that would not be possible through face to face communication. With any person's life prayer is one of the most important thinsg, but for us as a family it has sustained, guided, and supported us. For many people this blog has served as marching orders for prayer warriors. For others, it has meant not coming to here support, but to be supported. Dealing with a major illness like cancer or the loss of a love one is sometimes best helped by listening to stories of others who have been there. I know for me, listening to others' stories at Gilda's Club and the Warm Place has brought comfort. It has been an honor to me that you have come here to listen to Jessica and my story, My story is continuing in the next "book," but I'm ready for it to be more private. Thanks for listening.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-90858962149798523312010-08-18T10:58:00.003-05:002010-08-18T11:20:16.551-05:00Storm CloudsBe still and know that I am God. Seems pretty simple, but for someone full of energy like me, it's been tough being still and quiet and not try to make things happen on my own. A couple of weeks ago, I went out to the cemetery where Jessica is buried because there were some things I needed to tell her. Logically, I know she isn't really there, just her body and I have no doubt where her soul is. However, emotionally I felt like it was where I needed to talk to her. When I had left the house, the sky was blue with some big white fluffy clouds, but now the Fort Worth sky began reflecting my emotions. Dark storm clouds began rolling in. I had brought a fold-out chair to talk to her and I set it out as the cemetery turned dark with cloud cover. The things I needed to say were not things I believed, but things I felt emotionally. Even though her dying was not her fault and she fought tooth and nail to survive, I needed to say what I felt emotionally. I was mad at her for leaving me, for not making it, for dying. It didn't matter that I didn't believe these things, they still had to be said. As I shut my eyes and began talking to her, the rain began to come like soft tears. I kept talking as the rain continued to fall. Finally, I was finished, I opened my eyes, and the storm clouds scattered revealing blue sky. Finally, I had peace. I felt Jessica's blessing for me to have a joyful life without her.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-3232512108255576072010-07-25T09:51:00.004-05:002010-07-26T09:45:50.739-05:00You Were RightI think I have been in a place where I couldn't listen to advice. I am a man of action. The last year of Jessica's life I had to make many decisions and had to do many things that I thought I would never be able to do. Lots of people offered advice and their advice contradicted each other. Instead of following advice I would instead find out what was on Jessica's heart, decide the best way to make that happen, and do it. My life was a reflection of what Paul of the bible says God told him, "My power is made perfect in your weakness." When Jessica passed, my focus shifted from her to my girls. I was able to meet many of their needs, but they needed a mom. I made a mistake in trying to find one so quickly because I under-estimated God's grace and power in a single parent's life. My girls are doing just fine with just me as their one parent (and the whole community supporting us). My most recent mistake has been dating without first taking care of myself and strengthening my relationship with God. I hit a brick wall on my birthday on Wednesday, and it was a crash that went well into the rest of the week. I had a good time on my birthday; the highlight being going to a movie with my guy friends for the second year in a row. The problem this year came with my age. Jessica had always been older than me; she passed away at 33. This year with me turning 34, for the first time I'm older than her. I really haven't let go of her. There's a scene in the movie Inception where the main character is talking to his wife in a dream. He says that the wife of his dream can never be his wife because no matter how closely he remembers her, she will still not be truly his wife. He then tells her he has to let go of her. My heart ached in that scene because I would love to talk to Jessica, tell her how the girls have been, about my job, about how we're all doing. I am very aware that my wife is no longer with us, but I have been holding onto the life we had together. I just realized, I can't just write the next chapter of the book of my life with someone else. That book has reached the last page that says, "The End." I'm going to have to write a new book, but first I've got to be ready to write it. That's going to take a couple of months. There are some difficult choices I'm having to make. I stopped dating. I'm going to spend some money on myself. I am going to attend a single parent sunday school which means a two month break from my church. I'm going to go to counseling. All these things are super difficult, but faith without works is dead. Then I'm going to spend time with God finding out what means to be still and know that He is God. At the end of the two months, I'm going ask out the girl God wants me to eventually marry. I'm finally at a place where I can listen to wise council, and if you were one of those that tried to offer such let me say that "You were right."Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-34231838118068322862010-07-03T14:35:00.005-05:002010-07-05T18:02:01.981-05:00Brynnie Pictures<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-1zihGqD8Q-fSa_wxtHgxOTQvG8LqzmnjTgnrNDZn6myt9Z7FM-PMvAAjMNhkBoomtHMO3sgYe1DOw72I6psekeIPW3HFcy_3JghDEAr9w8mYGF-HM0yExy8bameKdGSyeIU/s1600/P1010252.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-1zihGqD8Q-fSa_wxtHgxOTQvG8LqzmnjTgnrNDZn6myt9Z7FM-PMvAAjMNhkBoomtHMO3sgYe1DOw72I6psekeIPW3HFcy_3JghDEAr9w8mYGF-HM0yExy8bameKdGSyeIU/s400/P1010252.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490559408729713874" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixl0ydLpQmSLfbu2wQOlfA0ioB1w9slFHXGE_k-JdbmewHOxjsVV2lhBAt0XR3L8Ny3-i8eDzYyiUl12szuR7usu2HpGgr7DNxScszREwCucQ9XxVqTL1PYi8mZnC220pizh5P/s1600/securedownload-11.jpeg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixl0ydLpQmSLfbu2wQOlfA0ioB1w9slFHXGE_k-JdbmewHOxjsVV2lhBAt0XR3L8Ny3-i8eDzYyiUl12szuR7usu2HpGgr7DNxScszREwCucQ9XxVqTL1PYi8mZnC220pizh5P/s400/securedownload-11.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490557749290378946" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyhlYyDaiG79JPnBNxZ6wJqfETvuwkXG256wyCE3_fzLQ4m6yczO3euukaha3lL7nnmegJ0UlhZSHAWrVEZxg7BbsFWbWei-mxA_sJP1hD8XlyOzjvkLLGfB_C0ayrQSnZgQYA/s1600/securedownload-9.jpeg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyhlYyDaiG79JPnBNxZ6wJqfETvuwkXG256wyCE3_fzLQ4m6yczO3euukaha3lL7nnmegJ0UlhZSHAWrVEZxg7BbsFWbWei-mxA_sJP1hD8XlyOzjvkLLGfB_C0ayrQSnZgQYA/s400/securedownload-9.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490557382840600402" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTWNGkj_ObX0a1BRIiDU0QTAI5fwwHxXcQEMJO55P84uKAyTZmeZ3Rk9ncukFCOchR9OfdjEls99nAwRllQS2oBdLSjTj6nHAbUMGEQ5jKb7eK-u_6OdECtqTts4nG18RkI7U_/s1600/IMG_6203.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTWNGkj_ObX0a1BRIiDU0QTAI5fwwHxXcQEMJO55P84uKAyTZmeZ3Rk9ncukFCOchR9OfdjEls99nAwRllQS2oBdLSjTj6nHAbUMGEQ5jKb7eK-u_6OdECtqTts4nG18RkI7U_/s400/IMG_6203.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490556633287228114" /></a>Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-33812962006188091802010-07-02T08:53:00.003-05:002010-07-02T09:23:09.485-05:00List of Top 25My cousin Angela suggested I make a top 25 list of things I'm looking for in a girl. With help from my family during our Kaylor family reunion this last week, I came up with the following in no particular order...<br />1. Being funny is not enough. I want a girl that is hysterically funny who makes me laugh so hard I can't breathe. Someone who isn't afraid to be silly with me.<br />2. Authentic faith in Jesus<br />3. A natural beauty who doesn't mind being comfortable in sweats and no make-up just hanging out, but can also go out looking sexy hot or beautifully classy<br />4. Can talk to me about anything and makes me want to tell her everything<br />5. Makes me a better me<br />6. Holds me accountable for doing the right thing<br />7. God confirms that she's the right one<br />8. Be willing to try new things<br />9. Be the first one to grab the mic in a karaoke bar and be able to sing<br />10. Love to do things together, yet have separate things<br />11. Love my girls and be good with them<br />12. Respect and honor Jessica<br />13. Good communicator/problem solver<br />14. Be able to help me plan/organize<br />15. Love her job and love life<br />16. Be OK with not having more kids<br />17. Wants to stay in North Texas<br />18. Love to travel. Like camping AND hotels<br />19. Be between 25 and 40<br />20. Not extremely messy or neat, like to cook<br />21. Be able to stick to a budget<br />22. Be persistent, have raw determination, be committed<br />23. Be willing to be forgive and be forgiven<br />24. Respects and encourages me<br />25. Be affectionate and like to give or receive massages<br />26. What do you think 26 should be?Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-74357619950114806132010-06-16T17:45:00.000-05:002010-06-16T17:46:53.045-05:00I'm BackWell dear friends it's been awhile. Most of the time I'm fine with broadcasting my life on here, but the last months have been hard on me personally and this time I really didn't want the attention that comes with what is already a very public life. I'm good now though and I thought I'd share a top 10 list of what God has been teaching me these last months:<br /><br />1. Life is an adventure. Sometimes that adventure takes me to my friend Frank's house just before he goes on the night shift and ALWAYS involves decaf coffee (the real stuff conks me out) and a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Sometimes like today, it means the Yikes turning in their chore coins to go see Shrek with a friend in tow. <br />2. I can do this on my own. I've been thinking that I had to find the girls a mom within a reasonable period of time. Now I'm thinking I'm going to be enjoy being single for a bit. My girls are going to be just fine with me raising them on my own. I broke up with Heidi a couple of weeks ago, and I made a promise to myself that I would wait three to six months before I considered getting back into a relationship. There are a lot of amazing girls out there, and I think as long as I'm upfront about what I want right now, I think it will be fun going on dates without the weight of the future on my shoulders.<br />3. Sometimes God lets you choose. I'm used to seeing the ONE path God wants me to go on. Right now there are lots of possibilities, but then we have a God of possibilities.<br />4. God loves "coincidences." I have been loving the way God has been putting me in people's paths lately. <br />5. Be still and wait. I have such been like the Sea of Galilee during the storm with the disciples on the boat. It sounds weird to say it, but my soul has been restless and Jesus has been calming it down.<br />6. Don't settle for less. <br />7. I can enjoy my teenage daughter. Lately, we've been doing things like coming up with a parent manual with suggestions that are completely ridiculous. I would list some here, but so far every time I've tried to share them with anyone else, they've been too over-the-top for them.<br />8. I'm still going to have bad days. No matter how many good days I have in a row; I'm going to have days that just flat knock me on my back with missing Jessica. <br />9. I like challenges. I really need to be reminded of this one right now as I'm sweating in my 86 degree house waiting for the a/c repair man. That said, there's nothing more manly then beating a challenge.<br />10. Jadyn and Brynnie will constantly find new ways to be sweet. Their new phrase they use with me is "Daddy, is this a good time to talk?" That's pretty much music to my ears as I am usually trying to get several things situated at once. It helps me step back for a moment, and either talk to them like they need me to or tell them to wait.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-49333487790074072682010-04-29T21:07:00.002-05:002010-04-29T21:47:44.885-05:00Year and a halfAs of today, it's been a year and a half since Jessica passed away. I don't know if this week has been good or bad. It's certainly been hard. Grief comes in waves and this week it has felt like a tsunami. I know we live in a culture where it's frowned upon to be sad, but I don't look at it as all bad. I like to the think Jessica is worth missing and what kind of life together would we have lived if parting wasn't hard? <br /><br />This weekend Brynnie had her birthday party and she officially turned seven on Monday. Jessica was the planner (actually from what my friends say the wife is usually the planner), but I managed to rent a place, send out invites, bake a cake, and everything else that comes with it. I'm pretty sure I left some people off the list though. Not on purpose. Also I remembered to bring my camera, but I think it might have fallen out of my pocket because I can't find it. One of the people I think I left off is Aunt Pam. So what does she do? She brings cookies on Brynnie's actual birthday. That's just the kind of people Jessica's family are. If you come up short, they'll help you out. <br /><br />Tonight I went to Jessica's grave. Actually, the girls and I plus a girl from our college group that we taught went. I don't often go. For me, she really isn't there. She's in heaven. I've been really wanting to go though recently, and today was an appropriate day. Usually Jadyn and Brynnie write messages to Jessica on helium balloons and let them go-- I don't. Today though I wrote a message to Jessica. I filled it up, tied it off, and scrawled a message in my bad handwriting. Then I let it go. Today was a particularly windy day and balloon flew low to the ground across the other graves, then shot up awkwardly in the air, and soared up in the sky. I watched it until I couldn't see it anymore. I couldn't help, but think about the similarity to Jessica's life. I only held onto the balloon briefly, before it soared up-- really quite beautiful in the last moments of seeing it. Then I was left feeling like a child, wishing I still had the balloon.<br /><br />Mother's day is coming up. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm trying to live each day on its own, but it's been hard to do that. <br /><br />Jessica always thought I should each post on a positive note. I have so much to be thankful for so I thought I should list them. I'm thankful for: the people who watch my kids after school: my brother-in-law Garett, my friend Leslie, and my friend Shelley, for all the families who give my girls rides (especially Katelyn) when I'm double or triple booked with activities, for my "band of brothers": my guy friends who I can call on whenever I need them, my girlfriend Heidi and all the people that pray for me and my daughters, and most importantly the Trinity: God the Father who has a good and perfect plan for me, Jesus who made up for my shortcomings, and the Holy Spirit who has helped me make every wise decision I have ever made.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-14098621833899439532010-03-01T22:32:00.003-06:002010-03-01T22:58:46.545-06:00Julie MangremTonight, I went to a memorial service for Julie Mangrem. She and Jess were diagnosed with cancer about the same time; Julie's was colon cancer. Every time Jess would see Julie, she would talk about Julie's smile and how she would light up a room even while battling cancer. Julie's smile was one of those things that kept getting brought up at the service and its effect on other people. It's also one of the things that people constantly brought up about Jess: her smile. It's pretty amazing because they knew their fate. One of the questions Jess always asked people when they told her that they knew someone with stage four cancer was "How are they doing now?" The answer was always that they had passed away. The question I get most often from my youngest daughter, Brynnie, is "Why did mommy have to get cancer and die?" I don't really have an answer for that. I know that Jess learned to live life to its fullest even while it was waning away, and her faith grew in God even as He chose not to heal her. I'm sure Julie's own two children, Addi and Major will ask their daddy, Mark, the same question. The answer at tonight's service was for God's greater glory. I don't know exactly how that works, but it was definitely a celebration service tonight. By the way I found out this week that Julie went to Jessica's funeral on her own birthday, and that she had to postpone a baby shower that was going to be on the same day. When I think of them both in heaven now, I imagine them with big light-up-the-room smiles laughing so hard that they are crying. Is that even possible if there are no tears in heaven? Check out the Mangrem's facepage 1 Thess 5:11 (pray without ceasing) http://www.facebook.com/1Thess511?ref=tsJacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-32678408538675413332010-01-26T23:24:00.002-06:002010-01-27T00:01:14.442-06:00Jessica's Last Letter to MeI must confess you that my emotions have been in turmoil lately. When you lose someone you love, your life is never the same and the part of them that remains in your life is at times a comfort and at times a painful uneasiness. Tonight though I found the more I thought about the difficulties in my life, the more a growing sense of peace came, and so with God's help I'm writing this post.<br /><br />A few months ago, I posted about how Jessica and I thought of the kids before we thought of me. I bought birthday, wedding, and first baby cards for the girls. Jessica thought about what they would need to hear from her in those moments and filled out those cards. She also wrote down in photo-books what she wanted the girls to know. However, in the time after her death I lamented what we had forgotten. If only I had her write, something to me. Then Judy, my mother-in-love, found what I hoped for, but did not imagine existed, the card. Jessica did indeed find time in her last days to think of me. I am going to write those words down now. It is my hope that those of you who never got to hear one final goodbye from your loved ones that you will see in it what they would have said to you had they could have.<br /><br />Jake- how I love you! You are such a strong man. I have told you before I would hope I would take care of you as well as you have taken care of me over over the last few years. I am grateful and blessed by your presence in my life. You were my rescuer, my knight in shining armor, even before I got sick. I hope that this year has brought some peace and closure to a long hard fought battle we waged together. I pray, also, that people will allow you to grieve the way you need to, and not the way other people think you should. I love you so very much. Although I'm sure heaven is a wonderful place, I wonder if I will miss anything. Before dying, I knew I would not be there for you as a husband, and I grieved that loss. I am honored to have had so much time with you. You are an amazing husband and a worthy, kind father. <3 I love you!! JessJacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-25617300073223787802009-12-13T01:10:00.002-06:002009-12-13T01:35:46.551-06:00Fantastic DayI have a lot of great days. but today was a fantastic one. Our church offered a day today for them to watch the kids while parents took care of Christmas shopping. I took advantage of it and headed to Walmart. I found what I needed for Jadyn's present, but sizing it up I realized it wasn't going to fit in my cart or my car. I picked up some straps and went to look for a bigger cart. I asked an employee for help. He found a cart in the back, but it had on it something he was going to have to put back on the shelf if I hadn't come along... the very item I was looking for. I headed to the front and checked out, but on my way out another employee asked if I wanted help putting it in my car. Yes, this was awesome! We got in the car, the employee left, and I went to work on the straps. I got the kind of straps that ratchet down and are fairly easy to use, but I had never used them before and had trouble figuring it out. That's when a dad and his family pulled up next to me. He took a few minutes to explain how to tighten and loosen then and was off. The coolest thing was that his kids and his wife were looking at him like he was the hero of Christmas which I have to tell you he kind of was.<br /><br /><br />I took Katelyn to her volleyball banquet this week. Brynnie thought she was going to her volleyball BLANKET. She also had a different idea on Katelyn's date. She went with Patrick who was very much a high schooler, but Brynnie thought she was going with Patrick the Starfish, from Spongebob. She of course looked lovely, pictures to follow later.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-63758253300524355862009-11-29T21:34:00.003-06:002009-11-29T21:48:04.444-06:00Break in the Routine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPxR7KO0uTM2YG1tbgfwODkCA5MfXQ7VrHZyXL-VYJ6-ShRahBeBQqcIIQRL-idarMNAoeJGKPPJDA9TQhzAJ01hqbhyV02gPQPnwP2BazSWH5qq1DQksBdC7DOAUnRdVK0G3/s1600/P1000719.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPxR7KO0uTM2YG1tbgfwODkCA5MfXQ7VrHZyXL-VYJ6-ShRahBeBQqcIIQRL-idarMNAoeJGKPPJDA9TQhzAJ01hqbhyV02gPQPnwP2BazSWH5qq1DQksBdC7DOAUnRdVK0G3/s400/P1000719.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409738077198056690" /></a><br />Brynnie decided we weren't paying enough attention to her and so she went and broke her arm. Now everyone notices her and wants to sign her bright pink cast. What actually happened was she Jadyn were running through the house, Jadyn tried to pull her onto the couch, she pulled her but instead of landing on the couch, she landed on the hard floor. This time it's her elbow that's broken-- she doesn't have brittle bones, but this is the third broken bone for her all on her arm. <br /><br /><br />We had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. This year we had it at Aunt Diane's and it was a success-- despite MeeMaw being in New York. Heidi was able to come for Thanksgiving (her son, didn't come this time as he went on a hunting trip with his Opa). My super shy Brynnie got super attached to her on this trip. She was mad at me for not letting her go back with Heidi in one of her suitcases. I also lost a friend this week to a heart attack, Thomas Horton. I'm thankful that I got to enjoy a cup of coffee and his place and get a good haircut from him, but the loss still hurts and I hurt for his family too.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-62037497062126157932009-11-02T17:49:00.004-06:002009-11-02T17:54:39.529-06:00HalloweenThe Yikes<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDyExehoa87TGTCyEAEooN4MygGKYBwgJCk6SOMmdTgq7IW5KSxzhO5ub3mjoFznfViMznkZdC2QdxX87x4WH2chKDUMON_jzN2rBkIPyXcbLxPB2oWlxctJYvtmgonG-eXvsN/s1600-h/15540_215124062976_547107976_4114355_3498968_n.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDyExehoa87TGTCyEAEooN4MygGKYBwgJCk6SOMmdTgq7IW5KSxzhO5ub3mjoFznfViMznkZdC2QdxX87x4WH2chKDUMON_jzN2rBkIPyXcbLxPB2oWlxctJYvtmgonG-eXvsN/s400/15540_215124062976_547107976_4114355_3498968_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399658924308853874" /></a><br />Katelyn and Lauren Zang<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiked0fczX6K9clj8EqRmWEhKTWFOM5TsfhxpSgxEqH05hL7DJgXfXqK3qSRLE_dXUCOC-3KmCEaWY2L6uH2EzGgrPn_2RPfq3c9fBymRkivigKee7_S-RKU8hvBfV5XfHCKL0W/s1600-h/11469_1078465861873_1833083797_182849_5758074_n.jpg"><br /><br /><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiked0fczX6K9clj8EqRmWEhKTWFOM5TsfhxpSgxEqH05hL7DJgXfXqK3qSRLE_dXUCOC-3KmCEaWY2L6uH2EzGgrPn_2RPfq3c9fBymRkivigKee7_S-RKU8hvBfV5XfHCKL0W/s400/11469_1078465861873_1833083797_182849_5758074_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399657872772701042" /></a>Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-16106284293139096842009-10-24T11:23:00.006-05:002009-10-24T11:54:06.696-05:00fall pictures<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQ3hsaRTJfH2jVnDgJ9y1afa4jRL5ThflTGBDwL8ooeoEj8kuhHxhDEd7pZa1ZdfesDwCTjPmQNVKCrWOJBmphknF7CodKkl-lXfPFyEoGnJB76tsOaW1-O1E83KPuYUQgccL/s1600-h/P1000570.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQ3hsaRTJfH2jVnDgJ9y1afa4jRL5ThflTGBDwL8ooeoEj8kuhHxhDEd7pZa1ZdfesDwCTjPmQNVKCrWOJBmphknF7CodKkl-lXfPFyEoGnJB76tsOaW1-O1E83KPuYUQgccL/s400/P1000570.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396207838949408530" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyz-DAWTChfJSOnT_CZnXXS72dMu_vFx1_a-5NoIBv8TyZmztm3YPGU_6jrm2djLQg0B2_yoQCWgusl-GVOmuD8d9Ka5RKHOrTleDhNvjEpL8HjwlTdO79ymYZlvVsl_45hI7-/s1600-h/P1000548.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyz-DAWTChfJSOnT_CZnXXS72dMu_vFx1_a-5NoIBv8TyZmztm3YPGU_6jrm2djLQg0B2_yoQCWgusl-GVOmuD8d9Ka5RKHOrTleDhNvjEpL8HjwlTdO79ymYZlvVsl_45hI7-/s400/P1000548.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396206827586474418" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdaMtbTXOacDUX2swa2uI5of5rnCj1PJRRNLBL4zm3t1AKe-KvlaAu2NR6FwwbvF2Y7r8QDvuwoxiz0mvV8tngpHHFsULlRhNs9xy5Pd3yVc4j_KC31n228EVL6ReEIXFfhRT/s1600-h/P1000538.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdaMtbTXOacDUX2swa2uI5of5rnCj1PJRRNLBL4zm3t1AKe-KvlaAu2NR6FwwbvF2Y7r8QDvuwoxiz0mvV8tngpHHFsULlRhNs9xy5Pd3yVc4j_KC31n228EVL6ReEIXFfhRT/s400/P1000538.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396204514477167762" /></a>Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-24521761591235890992009-10-24T10:47:00.002-05:002009-10-24T11:23:31.309-05:00OctoberMy trip to Philly went great. I came up at the perfect time of the year when the leaves are changing, and Heidi and I made full use of that by going to parks and taking walks. I think the coolest thing was going to see Eastern State Penitentiary which was pretty creepy even in the daytime. They have a haunted house there at night which I'm sure is just down right spooky. I have to wait and see her until Thanksgiving when she comes down here. I think it's pretty cool because this year it's at Aunt Dianne's who Heidi has gotten to know and like through Facebook. Thanksgiving is quite possibly my favorite holiday of the year-- it's hard to beat the family + food combination.<br /><br />On the negative side, this month has already been really tough. You might think that because I've fallen in love again, it would make it easier to get through the anniversary of Jessica's death... not so much. I find myself tearing up all the time-- especially when it comes to Jadyn's birthday. It's hard to get past the contrast of wanting to celebrate Jadyn's birthday with trying to cope with Jessica's death. Jadyn's having her party today and she is so excited.<br /><br />Let me leave you with a Yikes story. Jadyn and Bryn were talking about Pre-K. They wanted to know why they went to different schools. I told Jadyn that to qualify for going to public school for Pre-K you had to either be learning to speak English or not make enough money. She got to go to Corey Elementary because I made just under the cap. However, the next year I made just over the max, so Bryn went to the Mother's Day Out program at Fielder Road Baptist Church. Then they asked the difference between the two. I told them that Bryn's school was more play and was only two days a week, but they still learned things while Jadyn's school was every day and focused more on learning things. When Jadyn heard that, she proudly said, "Then, I'm smarter." Not be outdone, and without mising a beat, Bryn grinned and said, "And I'm funner."Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-52831570710662763082009-10-06T22:30:00.002-05:002009-10-06T22:47:18.815-05:00Not AloneI have been longing for an easy button lately. I feel like I have been through enough hard stuff, and it would feel oh so good to coast. Sitting on church on Sunday though I realized that 1. it's not going to get any easier and 2. it's about time I shifted my focus from asking how can my life be better to how can I fit into God's plan for the world. Right now that plan starts with three people Jadyn, Bryn, and Katelyn. Thank goodness I'm not doing it alone. Yes, I rarely get a break from taking care of them, but I have lots of help. This last week my mother-in-love has been to Katelyn's volleyball games, Aunt Sandy came and did a clean sweep of the girls' rooms, my brother-in-law Garett watched them some of the days after school as did family friends Shelly and Leslie, my neighbor Al made a late night run to the grocery store, and it is truly amazing that people still pray for us. I'm making a trip to Philly this weekend to see Heidi and the number of people involved in coordinating a weekend of my girls' activities plus house sitting is pretty amazing. All this to say, I'm canceling the pity party and sending God a big thank you, if you want I'll let you sign the card :)Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-44810194920253316162009-09-18T07:17:00.002-05:002009-09-18T07:28:10.898-05:00Happy BirthdayHappy birthday Jessica. I know that in life, you never wanted attention on you. You never looked forward to your birthday the way I look forward to mine. You never wanted to be the birthday person that has to do a silly dance or be sung to at a restaurant. You never thought one day should be all about you. One year ago though, your birthday was really special to me. It wasn't about growing old or what we got you for a present: it was about being thankful for one last birthday with you. I have no idea if they celebrate birthdays in heaven but if they do I'm hoping you have a big one there and have your best friend Jennifer over. We love you, we miss you, and we wish you a happy birthday.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-29485958622742814662009-09-13T23:01:00.002-05:002009-09-13T23:14:07.939-05:00Trip to CaliAll four of us made the trip to Sonoma, California for Alex's (Jessica's brother) wedding. Jadyn and Bryn were super excited because they got to be the Flower Girls. The Yikes can be shy sometimes, but not this time, they did a marvelous job and they looked oh so cute together walking down the aisle tossing flower petals. Katelyn was a junior bridesmaid and helped out with the house party. Especially when she gets dressed up, the question she gets most frequently asked is "How old are you?" Which was perfect because then she got to tell everyone that her birthday was Friday and she had just turned fifteen. The wedding was very well done and the Alex and his wife of one day now looked incredibly happy. We had a scare there for a little bit as the zipper broke on Brynnie's flower girl dress, but we were able to sew it up (thanks Krista). Bryn was super calm during the whole thing, but on the way to the wedding she asked, "Daddy how am I going to get out of my dress?" After that it was smooth sailing and we really enjoyed seeing family and being a part of their big day.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-29736717579675066662009-08-31T22:03:00.003-05:002009-08-31T22:22:57.645-05:00Just a Quick PostThank you faithful blog reader for the long wait in posting. I actually had a really busy night tonight which is typical in my life, but I thought tonight would be good time to share. I signed up the girls for art lessons on Monday nights so they could go with two friends of theirs. It's really nice because on Mondays one of those moms picks up the girls and takes them. She dropped them off at our house after they were done. <br /><br /> I had just picked up Katelyn from volleyball (she made the Freshman A team-- yeah!) and she was soon to be picked up by a friend to go to volleyball pictures. At the same time, I had Open House. Jadyn also had Open House at her school which obviously I was not able to make. Actually Jadyn was insistent that it was not Open House at her school but instead Parent Night. Open House she said was when parents came up to see all the work they had done that year and school had just started. <br /><br /> Anyway Al (or Mr. Owl as my kids call him) was gracious enough to watch the Yikes. I don't know but for whatever reason when we pulled up to his all three of us were not sure if we had the right house. We did but at the time for some reason it just didn't look right. Well anyway, as we started to get out Bryn piped up from the back seat, "If it's not the right house we can Ding Dong Ditch Him!" Actually she said Double Ditch him, but as with most complicated phrases she has her own version. I don't know if she even really knows what that it since she's never done it.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-24395068208784932412009-08-07T20:28:00.003-05:002009-08-07T20:53:40.712-05:00A First for BrynnieIt has been really hard for Brynnie at the Kaylor house because of Jadyn. Jadyn has a smile full of holes. New teeth keep coming in but baby teeth keep falling out. As soon as she notices it's loose she asks me to try and pull it out. I always tell her that it probably isn't ready, but I try anyway... then "pop" out it comes. Bryn has to had to endure over a year of this with not a loose tooth in sight. Then finally she got a wiggle! I tried to pull it, but it was firmly rooted. Day after day I tried to pull it out with no results. Then it started leaning like the Tower of Piza. The back part of the tooth was completely gone with only a small part of the front keeping its place in her mouth. Yet when I tried to pull it it stuck stubbornly like Briar Rabbit in tar. Today I tried in the morning, after lunch, late afternoon, but finally tonight I grabbed a tissue, gave it a good tug, and "pop." Brynnie's first reaction was to freak out. She wasn't expecting the blood in her mouth. A little bit of rinsing with water and spitting though and she smiled which was so cute with her missing tooth.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_HX2kmGPPNZMo20EG1PpUQg1aC2RHTN6nNaGu5aVyEEAsqfyWtzgDwR5bunnjR18QFnytDe-U3OJHYjkh6J8w6Fibhib7nQ0VWLekFae8CPEv2YngOfo-oGe16B709wl769U/s1600-h/brynsfirstlosttooth.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW_HX2kmGPPNZMo20EG1PpUQg1aC2RHTN6nNaGu5aVyEEAsqfyWtzgDwR5bunnjR18QFnytDe-U3OJHYjkh6J8w6Fibhib7nQ0VWLekFae8CPEv2YngOfo-oGe16B709wl769U/s400/brynsfirstlosttooth.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367404490653631890" /></a><br />Heidi and Timothy are coming to Texas for the first time (if you don't count an airport stop they made in Houston) tomorrow and for the first time in awhile it's going to drop below 100. However, I don't think she'll appreciate the difference much. While she's here though I hope to take her mind off the heat a little bit with the food: Tex-Mex, Texas barbecue, and steak.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-58841030738591861682009-07-26T22:54:00.004-05:002009-07-27T00:39:15.183-05:00Sky RanchOn Thursday last week I talked to the director of a wonderful Christian camp out in East Texas about sending my kids on scholarship to Sky Ranch. He ended up sending them and a big thank you to the families that had a part in this happening. They just got back yesterday, totally exhausted with tons of stories. Katelyn has been talking non-stop about what they did, the songs they sang, and God's impact on people there. I think my favorite story is about how a camp friend of hers named Mike dreaded going yet loved it once he went and said that God spoke to him while he was there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlVtgWO_xF9db4f6j6wsbEGwF_wgSOS_Pc0JduANdQ8IhBl9FaY0Psn-fSBOLycKAuR8vXjdQH1frx6QKEjFZ3Wx2VEWlHXQ7rxlP6Y-sitftJ_YxVWGEprFRiamXCu83gloIt/s1600-h/P1000002.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlVtgWO_xF9db4f6j6wsbEGwF_wgSOS_Pc0JduANdQ8IhBl9FaY0Psn-fSBOLycKAuR8vXjdQH1frx6QKEjFZ3Wx2VEWlHXQ7rxlP6Y-sitftJ_YxVWGEprFRiamXCu83gloIt/s400/P1000002.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362988034827929010" /></a><br /><br />As for me I turned 33 on Tuesday. It was tough not having my girls here for that, but it ended up being a great day. I ate dinner with my mother-in-love and then caught a movie with several friends. I couldn't help but reflect back on Jessica. She was thirty-three when she died. For some odd reason I used to think it was cool when we were the same age at least for a few months. She used to hate her birthday while I have always loved mine. It's not a matter of presents, I just can't wait to see what amazing things will happen in my life when I'm 33 and what people I will get to share those moments with.<br /><br />My father-in-love, Mike, went to fly out to see Jessica's sister in Tennessee. He started having chest pains, so he flew back early. It's not unusual for our family to have stomach problems and heart burn, but he went to have his heart checked out just in case today. It turns out he had a heart attack on Tuesday. They were able to go in and remove the blockage and he will be hospitalized until at least Tuesday. He's at Harrist Methodist downtown Fort Worth. <br /><br />Keep my friend Gary and his family in your prayers this week. God knows exactly what they need and how to comfort them.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-5246758870952680232009-07-15T23:12:00.002-05:002009-07-15T23:16:04.307-05:00Bryn is sickBryn has had a virus since last Friday. She threw up for a couple of days and then since has not eaten very much. She's drinking liquids so I'm not worried about dehydration but her fever is staying around 102 even with children's tylenol/motrin. Only Jadyn got to go to Camp Thurman this week-- I'm going to have to reschedule Bryn. Please pray that she starts feeling better and a big thank you to MeMaw and Popo for helping out.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-76076563189872000382009-07-11T01:25:00.002-05:002009-07-11T01:57:26.836-05:00Sorry for the long delay in postingI played soccer late tonight at 11 and after getting home after midnight and soaking in the tub, I thought I'd post a quick one. I'd make it longer, but I've got to get up early for Jadyn's soccer pictures and indoor game in the morning. Bryn is playing on the same summer team, but she's sick so she won't be going. I have been so proud of my girls this week. They went to soccer camp all week together and although they fought some, they also showed how much they care about each other and they brought a smile to my face so many times this week. <br /><br />I'm realizing now even with the time we had to prepare for Jessica's death, it's impossible to be completely prepared. Some things just have to be weathered. For example, in many ways Katelyn's best friend was Jessica. There was and is no other person who knew her so well. I think that void may be filled when she gets married, but for now it's a loss that must be endured. Another thing is while I made sure the girls would have continued reminders of who Jess was in the form of birthday cards for them each year, I didn't think to have her do it for me. My birthday is coming up and it would have been nice to have gotten a card from her. <br /><br />Life of course though is unexpected every day and the best thing I can do is do the best I can with what I know. I will continue to raise up the girls in a way that she would be proud of and when life throws curve balls at least I'll go down swinging.Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-40871562076983283852009-06-19T22:59:00.003-05:002009-06-19T23:24:27.656-05:00Jadyn's BaptismOur church went out to Lake Granburry for a fish fry and baptisms. I got to baptize Jadyn with pastor Jason which was just about the coolest thing ever. <iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dznV20uqr8QzWY6eCLYD3rjRILgK_KN1N6FTgwOvdmJWx_-zxDopnhOEorAlDOwL5zfo_q39k0hzUc' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12102787.post-5693088626053622752009-06-12T21:43:00.002-05:002009-06-13T00:46:24.500-05:00This song reminds me so much of Jess...<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy1zgAS524hOOD33eqPuBR-tp81whg6dimMRnNRyJWDmkE1NzutqoArsCe6-4CT4PvGdiMRIy9_L-A' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Jacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535506831052628415noreply@blogger.com3