Happy Birthday

Happy birthday Jessica. I know that in life, you never wanted attention on you. You never looked forward to your birthday the way I look forward to mine. You never wanted to be the birthday person that has to do a silly dance or be sung to at a restaurant. You never thought one day should be all about you. One year ago though, your birthday was really special to me. It wasn't about growing old or what we got you for a present: it was about being thankful for one last birthday with you. I have no idea if they celebrate birthdays in heaven but if they do I'm hoping you have a big one there and have your best friend Jennifer over. We love you, we miss you, and we wish you a happy birthday.

Trip to Cali

All four of us made the trip to Sonoma, California for Alex's (Jessica's brother) wedding. Jadyn and Bryn were super excited because they got to be the Flower Girls. The Yikes can be shy sometimes, but not this time, they did a marvelous job and they looked oh so cute together walking down the aisle tossing flower petals. Katelyn was a junior bridesmaid and helped out with the house party. Especially when she gets dressed up, the question she gets most frequently asked is "How old are you?" Which was perfect because then she got to tell everyone that her birthday was Friday and she had just turned fifteen. The wedding was very well done and the Alex and his wife of one day now looked incredibly happy. We had a scare there for a little bit as the zipper broke on Brynnie's flower girl dress, but we were able to sew it up (thanks Krista). Bryn was super calm during the whole thing, but on the way to the wedding she asked, "Daddy how am I going to get out of my dress?" After that it was smooth sailing and we really enjoyed seeing family and being a part of their big day.

Just a Quick Post

Thank you faithful blog reader for the long wait in posting. I actually had a really busy night tonight which is typical in my life, but I thought tonight would be good time to share. I signed up the girls for art lessons on Monday nights so they could go with two friends of theirs. It's really nice because on Mondays one of those moms picks up the girls and takes them. She dropped them off at our house after they were done.

I had just picked up Katelyn from volleyball (she made the Freshman A team-- yeah!) and she was soon to be picked up by a friend to go to volleyball pictures. At the same time, I had Open House. Jadyn also had Open House at her school which obviously I was not able to make. Actually Jadyn was insistent that it was not Open House at her school but instead Parent Night. Open House she said was when parents came up to see all the work they had done that year and school had just started.

Anyway Al (or Mr. Owl as my kids call him) was gracious enough to watch the Yikes. I don't know but for whatever reason when we pulled up to his all three of us were not sure if we had the right house. We did but at the time for some reason it just didn't look right. Well anyway, as we started to get out Bryn piped up from the back seat, "If it's not the right house we can Ding Dong Ditch Him!" Actually she said Double Ditch him, but as with most complicated phrases she has her own version. I don't know if she even really knows what that it since she's never done it.

A First for Brynnie

It has been really hard for Brynnie at the Kaylor house because of Jadyn. Jadyn has a smile full of holes. New teeth keep coming in but baby teeth keep falling out. As soon as she notices it's loose she asks me to try and pull it out. I always tell her that it probably isn't ready, but I try anyway... then "pop" out it comes. Bryn has to had to endure over a year of this with not a loose tooth in sight. Then finally she got a wiggle! I tried to pull it, but it was firmly rooted. Day after day I tried to pull it out with no results. Then it started leaning like the Tower of Piza. The back part of the tooth was completely gone with only a small part of the front keeping its place in her mouth. Yet when I tried to pull it it stuck stubbornly like Briar Rabbit in tar. Today I tried in the morning, after lunch, late afternoon, but finally tonight I grabbed a tissue, gave it a good tug, and "pop." Brynnie's first reaction was to freak out. She wasn't expecting the blood in her mouth. A little bit of rinsing with water and spitting though and she smiled which was so cute with her missing tooth.

Heidi and Timothy are coming to Texas for the first time (if you don't count an airport stop they made in Houston) tomorrow and for the first time in awhile it's going to drop below 100. However, I don't think she'll appreciate the difference much. While she's here though I hope to take her mind off the heat a little bit with the food: Tex-Mex, Texas barbecue, and steak.

Sky Ranch

On Thursday last week I talked to the director of a wonderful Christian camp out in East Texas about sending my kids on scholarship to Sky Ranch. He ended up sending them and a big thank you to the families that had a part in this happening. They just got back yesterday, totally exhausted with tons of stories. Katelyn has been talking non-stop about what they did, the songs they sang, and God's impact on people there. I think my favorite story is about how a camp friend of hers named Mike dreaded going yet loved it once he went and said that God spoke to him while he was there.



As for me I turned 33 on Tuesday. It was tough not having my girls here for that, but it ended up being a great day. I ate dinner with my mother-in-love and then caught a movie with several friends. I couldn't help but reflect back on Jessica. She was thirty-three when she died. For some odd reason I used to think it was cool when we were the same age at least for a few months. She used to hate her birthday while I have always loved mine. It's not a matter of presents, I just can't wait to see what amazing things will happen in my life when I'm 33 and what people I will get to share those moments with.

My father-in-love, Mike, went to fly out to see Jessica's sister in Tennessee. He started having chest pains, so he flew back early. It's not unusual for our family to have stomach problems and heart burn, but he went to have his heart checked out just in case today. It turns out he had a heart attack on Tuesday. They were able to go in and remove the blockage and he will be hospitalized until at least Tuesday. He's at Harrist Methodist downtown Fort Worth.

Keep my friend Gary and his family in your prayers this week. God knows exactly what they need and how to comfort them.

Bryn is sick

Bryn has had a virus since last Friday. She threw up for a couple of days and then since has not eaten very much. She's drinking liquids so I'm not worried about dehydration but her fever is staying around 102 even with children's tylenol/motrin. Only Jadyn got to go to Camp Thurman this week-- I'm going to have to reschedule Bryn. Please pray that she starts feeling better and a big thank you to MeMaw and Popo for helping out.

Sorry for the long delay in posting

I played soccer late tonight at 11 and after getting home after midnight and soaking in the tub, I thought I'd post a quick one. I'd make it longer, but I've got to get up early for Jadyn's soccer pictures and indoor game in the morning. Bryn is playing on the same summer team, but she's sick so she won't be going. I have been so proud of my girls this week. They went to soccer camp all week together and although they fought some, they also showed how much they care about each other and they brought a smile to my face so many times this week.

I'm realizing now even with the time we had to prepare for Jessica's death, it's impossible to be completely prepared. Some things just have to be weathered. For example, in many ways Katelyn's best friend was Jessica. There was and is no other person who knew her so well. I think that void may be filled when she gets married, but for now it's a loss that must be endured. Another thing is while I made sure the girls would have continued reminders of who Jess was in the form of birthday cards for them each year, I didn't think to have her do it for me. My birthday is coming up and it would have been nice to have gotten a card from her.

Life of course though is unexpected every day and the best thing I can do is do the best I can with what I know. I will continue to raise up the girls in a way that she would be proud of and when life throws curve balls at least I'll go down swinging.

Jadyn's Baptism

Our church went out to Lake Granburry for a fish fry and baptisms. I got to baptize Jadyn with pastor Jason which was just about the coolest thing ever.

This song reminds me so much of Jess...

East Texas

We made a family trip out to East Texas this weekend. A college buddy of mine lives out there on a couple of acres complete with pond. He lives almost in Arkansas so it's over three hours to get there. About an hour into the trip Bryn piped up from the back seat that we were near. I told her that no we weren't, but she insisted that was what the sign said. When I asked her what sign she was talking about she told me to look at the back of the semi in front of us. I had to laugh because the truck's company name was half on one rear door and half on the other spelling "Wer" "ner." It was a nice get-away for the four of us. The girls favorite part was four-wheeling around the pond and in the cow pasture. I got to ride the coolest four-wheeler called an Argo. It doesn't go very fast but it climbed really steep hills and it floats in water, so we got to take it for a swim in the pond.

I really need the summer break that is approaching, but I'm going to really miss my kids from this year.

Bryn's Awards/ Kindergarten Graduation

Jadyn's Award Ceremony/1st Grade Graduation

ACA Optimist Rose

I'm about to head to bed, but before I do I wanted to share something neat that happened to me today. Arlington's biggest cheerleading program is done by ACA Optimist. Recently, they started something called the ACA Rose Charity which pays for a monthly bill of single parents, and next month it will be mine. Two neat things are the person who called and told me that I had gotten it is a single mom of one of my former students and four people nominated our family for it. I am very blessed to live in a community that is constantly thinking about us and a big thank you to those of you have Optimist cheerleaders.

Follower

I have to start by thanking Aunt Diane for giving me a day off today. The Yikes will have a wonderful time with her all day today and I get I'm enjoying a break that will last until tomorrow afternoon.

I went to Bryn's award ceremony/ kindergarten celebration Thursday. As we parents watched them sing "First Grade" and do a little dance, you could just hear one word whispered over and over, "cute." She was indeed cute and super excited about going to first grade although she will miss her kindergarten teacher Mrs. Maurer.

Here in Arlington, Texas baseball has become worth watching again, in a big part because of an addition to the Rangers, Josh Hamilton. I had heard a little about him before, but today I finished reading his autobiography, Beyond Belief. I read about how he was a star even in Little League throwing so hard that he had to play with an older team because parents were afraid there boys would get hurt. With age, he got even better and was the number one draft pick right out of high school. However, his professional career got put on hold when his life started spinning out of control because he began using drugs, including crack. Failed drug tests led to him being suspended for longer and longer periods of time and it looked like he would never play baseball again. Finally, after a hard road Josh came to know Jesus in part due to the persistence of his grandma. That faith allowed him to get clean, get back into baseball, and now have a resurrected career with the Rangers. What's neat about Josh is he is frank about his disappointing past while at the same time giving credit to God and supportive people in his present to helping him in the present.

I'm writing about Josh because in the last chapter he talked about how people react to him. Some people are angry at him while others are proud of him. Many of these people are touched emotionally because they love someone in their lives who has fallen under the influence of drugs. It took a book about a baseball player struggling with drug addictions for me to understand people's reactions to me, a teacher, and my struggles with Jessica's journey with cancer. Just like Josh's life is not just about baseball, because of Jessica's cancer, my life is no longer just about teaching or being a father.

Because they know someone who has been influenced by cancer, people's emotional reactions to me may be similar to Josh's. Sometimes people look up to me because of the way I am living my life. They know the struggles I have been through and the problems I continue to face, and yet they see I have peace and joy. They often tell me a little about a much loved person who got cancer.

Others are angry and after reading, Josh's book I get why: they have been deeply hurt by cancer. Someone they love has or had cancer. Josh has inspired me to look past the angry exterior and look at the hurt inside. Cancer hurts. It takes away daughters from their parents, nieces from aunts and uncles, wives from husbands, friends from loved ones... Perhaps you are one of the hurting, and if so I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish I could take your pain away.

Finally let me say, that my joy and peace are not despair and chaos because I am a follower of Jesus with lots of supporting people.

A Better Week

So far, this week is better than last. Last week I felt like my family's world was zooming out of orbit into the sun. This week it is more like riding a comet past the sun-- no crashes but still hectic. It's the end of the year for my girls and me which in some ways has been frantically checking off the list of things to do.

One of those things is award ceremonies. We went to Katlelyn's ceremony on Monday where she was honored for being a member of the National Junior Honor society and for earning academic letters in English, Math, and Science. Given the stressful year she has had I'm proud of her success. Tonight was the award ceremony for my students. As I looked out into the crowd of teenage faces I realized how much I am going to miss the 8th grade class from this year. It was pretty neat seeing my kids from my classes and ones I've gotten to know that I don't have get well-deserved awards. Then I found out the surprise the faculty and yearbook staff had for me. This year's yearbook is dedicated to me. One of my students who is on the yearbook gave the sweetest speech about me. I got to unveil this year's yearbook which commemorates Young's 30th anniversary. I was very surprised and humbled especially when someone told me to look over to my left and there was my family lined up against the wall. It meant a great deal to me that my family and my school had taken time and effort to honor me.

Team CouraJess!

Hello Friends, Natalie Dickey here. I have (with permission) hijacked the blog once again! The last time I did anything over here I was busy making the Kaylor's space on the Internet just a little bit prettier. Today I didn't do any major making over, I just added a little piece of information that I thought you might be interested in knowing!

Okay, take a second, stop reading and glace over to your left.

Do you see that? Isn't the Team CouraJess t-shirt great!

Do you need want one? Do you want to help the Breast Cancer 3-Day Team CouraJess meet their fundraising goals?

Yes?

Good!

They will get you one of these fabulous shirts for a minimum $20 donation!

Here is a picture of the front and the back!



And now that you have seen that I know that you can't wait to get one for yourself! I love mine!

Go ahead, send an email to courajess@charter.net placing your order.... I'll wait.

Are you back? Good.

Thanks for placing an order and thanks for coming back to finish reading my rambling this post.

The Kaylor's and Team CouraJess would like to say thank you for supporting them on this challenging but blessed Journey!

Oh and thanks Jake for letting me hijack your blog to write this post!

--Natalie

Rough Week

I wasn't really prepared for Mother's Day. I thought this was something I've got to do and even though the pool may have sub-zero temperatures in it and sharks in it, I've never been one to lay out on the beach chair, so I'm diving in. There were two things I knew I couldn't do because sometimes kindness just kills whatever control you're trying to keep in your life. I knew it would be a day that I would have trouble keeping myself together somewhat and not falling apart completely, so I know from experience that a kind word can crumple whatever walls I have built up like and aluminum can on a frat boy's head. So the two things I knew I couldn't do were go to church and be around Jessa's family. We went to the Scarborough Renaissance Festival instead of church and that went OK. My brother-in-law Garett and my mother-in-love went with us. I wasn't sure if I'd be up to going to Jessica's headstone, but I felt like I could. Aunt Jacque had given me a helium balloon kit so I brought that too. When we got there the Yikes wrote messages on the balloons and let them go right at the grave site. Judy wiped the stone free from dirt. I think at some point the memories of Jessica erupted like a volcano and control got vaporized by the molten lava. Even at the end of the week I'm not sure if what was good or bad. I had felt like I was getting our family's life back on track, but maybe sometimes it's important to revisit the grief by off-roading. This week has been a week of nightmares, bathroom accidents, grief, anger, and hopelessness. The thing is though we never had control of our lives, God always did, and today I can see clearly how as I turn control over to him that these emotions are normal and part of us loving Jess and letting go of her not being with us anymore. I appreciate you dear reader for praying for us and sticking with us as our journey continues.

Happy Mother's Day

Jess did these Ten Things That Made her a Great Mother

1. She made a big deal over the little things like when she put notes in Jadyn's lunch box she spent a long time thinking about the perfect thing to say and when she decorated Katelyn's paper lunch sack with a fancy way of writing "Katelyn" she acted like she treated it like she doing a museum masterpiece.

2. She never went to work on a day when the kids had school activities. She was there for Katelyn's graduation and for the girls' parties

3. She fretted over spending money on herself but never her kids Our kids went to camps while someone finally had to buy her a cell hone

4. When the kids got in trouble she always took the time to explain to them why what they did was wrong and what they should do in the future

5. When she threw a birthday party for one of our girls she made everything was perfect from the invitations to the party favors

6. She did the hard stuff, Staying up with sick kids. Changing Jadyn's diapers when she was in a body cast.

7. When the girls faced problems, she always talked to them about a way they get through it

8. She prayed for the girls fervently

9. She loved them more than she loved herself

10. She left things so the girls wouldn't forget her. Birthday, wedding, and first baby cards for the girls and a memory book written to each one of them


These are things that made her a great mom; they didn't earn her any worldwide fame, but she captured the hearts of three very special daughters. I miss her terribly and I miss her for my girls.

I am very grateful to the four women who have been a loving mother to me: Judy (mother-in-law), Cindy (step mother-in-law), Donna Jean (biological mom), and Donna Lucy (step-mom).

DC Pics

These are some pictures Heidi took. My camera unfortunately is broken.


Bryn the birthday girl.


Jadyn and grandma



The big family (actually half of them aren't even in this picture)



Tim and I



Bryn and Vanessa



Bryn and Jadyn

East Coast Fun

Bryn got to have birthday party number two here at my sister Sarah's house who lives just outside of DC in Virginia. First we played games at the ESPN Zone in Baltimore and then travelled south. Tons of family who live here drove in today to celebrate.Bryn turning six. My family is so much fun and getting us all together is like setting a big chaotic ball of party down a hill.Heidi made Bryn a princess birthday cake which she was super excited about. I love my family.