Bittersweet

The 29th of each month has been a day that grief comes and sits on my chest. I think about Jess every day of course. My house is filled with pictures of her on the wall. The girls' freckles remind me of Jessica's freckles. When I drive to work, I think about how the Accord was the perfect car for Jess. They aren't bad thoughts though. I used to not not understand why someone would want to go see a sad movie. Now, I get it. There are some things that are OK to be sad about, and they make the happy moments all the more enjoyable. Jess and I talked a lot about this time in my life. We talked a lot about what our lives would look like without her, and how we could make sure her memory was kept alive. I know it would probably make sense to change the name of the blog to Our Journey without Jessica, but today has been an OK day (it's been the first 29th that has been) because I realize that I will always have her in my life and although I have had to let go of her-- I will also be able to hold onto the memory of her. I know it may seem a little silly, but I want Jess to be able to look down at me and be proud of the way I'm living my life now. She never wanted people to think of her and be sad; she was more interested in making other people happy. I know she would want me to share my good news on the 29th, and I've prayed about it too. My good news is that I have met a girl that has helped me in my grief process and along the way she has become more than just a friend.

Kaleidoscope

Katelyn had a big dance on Saturday. She's had two Kaleidoscope dances before, but this was the formal attire one. She looked lovely and here are the pictures to prove it!

Suddenly Six

The baby in our family is growing up. Bryn now needs two hands to show her hands as she turned six years old. We had her tea party at Chelsea's Tea Time where she and a few friends and family dressed up like princesses. It was the perfect party for her which is really good because she had a really hard time choosing what she wanted to do this year.

Timing

The Yikes had some money to spend-- Jadyn had a twenty from a family member who felt like making her day and Bryn had a bagful of change. After dinner at Cracker Barrel that money was burning a hole in their pockets and they couldn't wait to spend it. They got a bunch of stuff they didn't need, but it was pretty neat seeing them trying to figure out what they had enough money to buy and I don't think you could have found two more contended girls in the whole place when they were done. Jadyn got a little bear with angel wings. She named it Jessica after her momma because she said it reminded her of her momma. To tell you the truth it was hard for me to see the angel bear and not think of Jess in heaven with angels, and when she named it "Jessica," it hurt. It was a good kind of hurt though-- every time I feel pain like that I find that I think of it as a reminder of how much I loved her and how lucky we were to have her for the time we had her. In a week it will be 6 months since she left. In that time I have tried to figure out the timing on a lot of things. Some of those have been easy and some have been hard. There's no manual of course so I've tried to make the best decisions I could at the time with the information I had. To tell you the truth God has carried me through and helped me through other people. I think in a lot of ways God lately has been saying it's time to do some stuff on my own because I have had a crazy amount of support that is good just for a season. However that doesn't mean to stop praying for us-- my family and I need your prayers just as much now! Anyway, I have some good news-- but you're going to have to wait to hear it; still waiting on God to tell me the timing!

Easter Pictures

The Kaylor Girls



Bryn and Uncle Mike on his motorcycle



Katelyn and her cousins Corbin and Carter



Me and a happy Jadyn

Hooray for Healthy Hips!

Mom(Judy), Jadyn, and I got to Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas bright and early this morning. It's a very kid-friendly hospital with lots of stuff to see and do in between appointments. We got x-rays first. Jadyn remembered the rocket ship in the waiting room from the last time she went. From there we saw Sherry her nurse and Dr. Johnston. I had to tell Sherry that Jess had passed away which is still hard to say especially because she and Jess shared a special bond. Then we got the great news. The last time we came, her hip was a lot better after surgery but not quite right, and we had waited two years to see if her hip would heal on its own. The great news is that it did! Next onto the movement lab where Jadyn participated in a research study. The hospital is trying to get the type of surgery Jadyn had to be used more often because they believe it to be more effective than others. They put on a butch of reflective dots all over her and then videotaped her walking. The video was put into a computer where they constructed a 3-D image of her walking. I thought it was really cool as it is the same way they create a lot of CGI (computer generated images) like they do in movies.Jadyn didn't think it was that great though. She didn't like all the dots all over her and having to redo movements when the computer couldn't pick it up for a variety of reasons, like her moving too slowly. I'm going to put a picture of it up later as well as Easter pictures from Aunt Diane.

Happy Easter

It's hard to believ that this time last year- Jess was stuck in California and since I had flown out to be with her the girls had to spend Easter without her. Jess would have already gotten the girls Easter stuff early, but I hadn't as of yesterday. I had a late soccer game and so I went out at midnight for late grocery shopping and stuff for the Easter bunny to bring. It wasn't too bad though as I had everything done by 3 including plugging in the video camera to be charged. The Yikes slept in KK's room like they did before Easter. It was pretty funny watching the girls this morning as while Jadyn was bouncing up and down with excitement Bryn was super calm. It's been a good Easter .
As some of you know, Jadyn has had major hip problems. She has undergone surgey, procedures, body casts, and braces. She had her last x-rays two years ago which showed that her hip still wasn't right. This Wednesday she has X-rays and doctor appointments to determine if more surgery will be needed.

Yikes Story

Bryn and Jadyn have been doing art projects lately together. I love to hear one of them ask the other to pass the "Scottish" tape.

On Sunday we were running really late to Sunday school. I didn't like how we were going to miss thirty minutes of something that only lasts an hour. Jadyn and Katelyn agreed with me-- they don't like to be late any more than I do and didn't like missing half. Bryn, however, piped up from the back seat, "but we GET to go to half of Sunday school!" I kind of like the modern twist on the "Is the glass half full or empty?"

Finally, Jadyn did the sweetest thing. A few months ago, PTA gave me a gift basket for being teacher of the month. It was very tailored to me because I got a giant sticky hand (I am such a kid and have enjoyed using it). Jadyn found it on the floor and put it back on the counter. I didn't think much of it until I saw what she had done to it: two of the fingers were bent down so my hand was now in the shape of "I love you" in sign language.

Sorry for the long wait for a post

This has actually been a really good week even if it has been overwhelming. Sunday I missed Bryn's soccer game again. She and Jadyn's game have overlapped this season more than any other, but as I am the coach of Jadyn's team I've been going to Jadyn's games instead of her's. I was excited about her having a Sunday game apart from Jadyn until I realized her game and my game were at the same time. My brother-in-law Garret took the girls, but it turns out there is both a Webb Elementary school and a Webb Park and I had told him the wrong place. Bryn did make the last quarter of her game, but I felt bad. My game turned out great. We have uniforms for the first time (usually everyone just wears the same color of shirt), a great goalie, and now that we've been playing together awhile awesome team chemistry. It's the best team I've ever been on-- Sunday we were short-handed, but still won against a very talented team. Soccer has been my release particularly over the last year; it's the one thing I do for me every week.

Monday I took the Yikes to a soccer clinic. It was cool because I got to chat with one of the parents on my soccer team about his spiritual journey. He talked about going to a class called Alpha which is both for non-Christians and Christians who want to know more about the bible and how it applies to life. He is a non-Christian and my favorite part of his telling was when he told me how God got his attention. He was in chapel when sunlight peaked through the window and hit him square in the face. Annoyed he scooted a few feet over where much his dismay the sunlight moved and got in his eyes again. The sun must be setting fast he thought-- all just go over to the other side of the chapel. He moved all the way over to the other side of the chapel where you guessed the sunlight moved to hit him square in the face again. Not long after he chose to be in the Light as he came to know Jesus through the course. He now loves his Methodist church that he goes to, but is looking to be baptized by full immersion (they sprinkle in the Methodist church). Our church is going out to Lake Granbury soon and perhaps the Yikes will be baptized.

Tuesday was soccer practice for Jadyn. Bryn had soccer practice at the same time, so I just took her to Jadyn's. Immediately after I picked up Katelyn from Boles as she had UIL with choir, and we went to the Warm Place. This was only our second time to go as there wasn't a meeting two weeks ago because of Spring Break. We made it just on time and the family liked it. Two cool things happened there one at the dinner before the talks we sat with a family who had a girl in 8th grade at the very same school Katelyn goes to (Boles) who had lost her dad. I'm hoping to car pool next time with them. Then later I realized that one of the guys in the group with a familiar face plays indoor soccer on a team we've played against which is great to make a connection, especially with something like soccer.

Wednesday I mistakenly thought was almost free. I picked up Katelyn from her second night of UIL choir (they got the top scores by the way). Then the Yikes and I cleaned up the house followed by a movie night watching the remake of The Shaggy Dog. It was a great time marred only by my realization the next day that I was supposed to go to dinner with the men in Jessica's family. My memory has been absolutely horrible.

Thursday Aunt Sandy took the Yikes to get Easter dresses. She has been meaning to get together for awhile with our family, but her busy schedule hasn't made it possible. I was really glad I didn't get the phone call saying something came up and instead the girls had a great time with her. While they were with her I was at Katelyn's track meet. The best part of the meet (which is excruciatingly long at three hours) was when they had a "big boy" relay where the boys and girls that do events like shot-put and discus ran a relay. It was the greatest thing because the crowd cheered more for them than for any other event and their teammates got super excited for them and were jumping up and down, hotting and hollering.

Friday I had friends come over that were in our college group. One of them, Jeremy, we haven't got to see much as he now lives about an hour away. I say that because in college before he was married we would see him several times a week.

Now here we are at Saturday it's a full day, but I'm going to make it. If you pray for us, pray that I remember to breathe, that the Yikes have good dreams, and that Katelyn draw close to the Lord as she tries to make it being a teenager without a mom. I appreciate you keeping up with us.