Saturday, December 20, 2008

My Anniversary Letter to Jessica

Jessica Lynn Kaylor,

Tomorrow we would have been married ten years. I have to admit I am jealous that you have seen Jesus already, but I am very happy for you. Your last year was filled with pain and it brings me great joy to know you can run, skip, and do cartwheels. Do they have water in heaven? If they do I know you are swimming -- you have always loved water so much. We are doing fine just like I promised you we would be when I spoke to you on the day you died before the rest of our family arrived. There have been days when that promise has been stretched and we have been broken and feel helpless, yet, we have grown closer as a family and we are healing from losing you. Without you here, Katelyn talks to me more often about important stuff. She has a boyfriend now (don't worry I'm sticking to the group date rule) It makes me sad that we can't talk to each other about her growing up. I love her as if she were my own flesh and blood. God gave me a present when she came into my life when I met you. Jadyn still gets mad sometimes but she also lets herself be sad. We write notes back and forth about our feelings. She has become even closer to Bryn. Bryn talks about missing you a lot. She misses snuggling with you, you reading books to her, and your special goodnight kisses. God has kept the promises He made to me of love and support. I've said it to you before, but isn't it cool how He uses people to accomplish His purposes? I wanted to visit your grave tomorrow by myself, but I want to wait until your grave marker is done. Are you surprised that I thought I had already taken care of ordering it, but I didn't? Your friends and family miss you. I know some of them still call your cell phone to hear your voice when they get your voice mail. You may no longer be my wife, but you will always be my friend. I love you.

See you in 50 years,


Anonymous said...

Jake, Thank you for sharing your anniversary letter to Jessica with us. It's absolutely beautiful! What an awesome idea! I have to admit-it made me weep for obvious reasons. I am happy that Jessica is pain free now-I bet Jessica's thinking that's my Jake he's doing an amazing job taking care of Katelyn, Jadyn, and Bryn:) Peace In Christ, P.G.

Lynne said...

Jake -- your touching letter to Jess is priceless. The girls are so blessed to have you as their Dad. Your willingness to share this tender journey is a gift to so many people. Know you continue in our thoughts and prayers,
Aunt Lynne

Alpha 1 Vann Clan said...

Thank you for sharing your anniversary letter with us. I know Jessica is so proud of the great job you are doing with the girls.

Aaron missed you at soccer tonight. They tied.

Anonymous said...


Beautiful and from the heart - thanks for sharing. Keep in mind, Jessica will always be your wife - that we can all count on.

Happy Holidays.

Anonymous said...

Jake, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about Jessica. I am confident that she is looking down from heaven smiling at what a wonderful job you are doing with the girls. Your life and your experiences are touching so many lives. God continues to use you.

Anonymous said...


That was a wonderful letter. I am sure everyone who knew Jessica appreciates reading those sentiments. Thanks for sharing and continuing to let us know how y'all are doing. Your family continues to be a witness to many.

In our prayers,
The Casas