Glad to be back on chemo (really)

At the benefit dinner Wednesday night over and over again people told us how much they loved us and one person in particular really stands out. Her name is Barbara Stidman. She has been a big comfort to us ever since Jadyn Rose went through the worst of her treatments for her developmental hip dysplasia (i.e. traction 22 hours a day). She understands first hand how it is to allow your child to suffer so she can be whole. It is for this reason I think that she loves Jadyn so much, and Jadyn loves her (and her husband Roscoe) back with her whole heart. When Jessica was diagnosed with breast cancer, she began taking every opportunity she saw us to love on us. As for me, when the news was still fresh and I wanted to be left completely alone and be completely surrounded by loving people at the same time she knew completely how to respond to me. With understanding in her eyes, she told me that I didn’t have to say anything and gave me a big hug. It is Barbara that put “wheels” to our beloved pastor’s suggestion to have another dinner for us. For me the highlight of the night was meeting the husband and wife team from Colter’s that donated the food for the event (and I might add that he served meat and she served cobbler). We couldn’t visit long (there were hungry people wanting desert), but I was very impressed by these two high quality individuals.

Thursday was the last day of school for me (yep Texas schools end in May not June and start back in August not September if you’re reading this and you live in another state). I love my kids this year immensely, but it has been a stressful year for me and I was very relieved to be finished. I’m going to miss teachers like Karen Lawson who had her students sign a card for me every week. People say that the benefit dinner at Martin really brought the community together; I know it sure has brought our school together. There is something amazing in forgetting about your own problems and turning to help someone else. At one point during the dinner I saw one of the biggest advocates for the dinner, my principal, walk by carrying a mop. I have always been impressed by servant leadership. For me mopping up a mess is a bigger accomplishment than winning a prestigious award.

One thing our family has learned is how much people need when they are going through something like this. What I mean is we have prayed for people that our going through problems, visited them, brought meals to them but that’s it. People have shown us how to minister to others. We are prayed for every minute of the day. Our grass is cut. Our kids are fed, cared for, loved on. When I am ready to give up, someone is there for me. When Jessa’s world is falling apart there are people holding it together. It is a lot easier to do a little something for someone, but a lot harder to really love them. My wife and I share the same opinion that we are not as special as the way people have been treating us. If we are extraordinary, it is because of how we have been loved beyond what we deserve. It is other people that have shown us how to have joy even when you’re crying, how to have peace when your soul is in turmoil, and how to love when you are in need yourself.

Last night as I was looking at my wife without her make-up and thinned out hair I thought about how beautiful she looked.

Today Jess went to chemo for the third time. We were both eager to start back after Jess not being able to have it last week. There was good news. For starters the infection around her port is gone! (which is amazing because it was starting to come back this week) The tumor underneath her arm is gone. The one in her breast has shrunk another cubic centimeter. We will know about the status of the other ones that cannot be felt in about 2 and half weeks when Jess has her 2^nd PET scan combined with her 2^nd CAT scan. Perhaps the best bit of good news is that I no longer have to give my wife shots. She was starting to get little "bruise constellations" on her stomach including one rather large "sun" and we both were hating it. Today, we were at UT-Southwestern (specifically the Seay building) a full day, but the chemo drip took only four hours and Jess was able to sleep for at least two of those. We are trying yet another nausea drug this time—we want to find the perfect one for Jess. I think this one is called something like “Zophran.” If you are praying for us, pray that Jess is able to get the rest she needs these next few days. Please pray (and I am not making this up) that I am not a jerk. I am really stressed out right now, I can’t sleep, and even though those are things I can’t control, I need to be the man God has called me to be.